I celebrated a summer of great weather that lasted all the way until the end of September and despite my loneliness, I truly enjoyed it. There were Bald Eagles in the trees nearby as well as deer, raccoons and the occasional bear that wandered by the house. I had to learn to secure the garbage, since there was no pickup and the bears were pretty clever about busting into most canisters. I stymied them by building a wooden shed just for the garbage that would give them more of a challenge than they could cope with.During the next year I began to install my own particular needs in my home. First, the solar panels on the roof to look after heating water and a secondary supply of electricity. Second, a proper generator equipped with automatic start when the power went out. We were in an area where power supply was problematic and I didn't want to rely on Hydro. My cell phone was marginal in that location so I broke down and bought a satellite phone. It was expensive to use, but I could. But there was more. Something I could not explain just like the feeling in the pit of my stomach.I wasn't looking for sex. I was looking for intimacy, someone with whom I could share myself. I was looking for something that was missing in my life. She was married, and from what I could determine from our emails, was surviving in her own way in her own world. She was comfortable and had a good family but there was something missing in her life too. She was reaching. I was reaching. And at 2:15PM we would meet at the car wash next door.I was watching the passing traffic with growing interest, as the clock stretched toward 2:00PM. After the oil had been changed in my car I drove next door and chose the car wash bay at the rear of the lot. Already I was thinking of not being seen by a neighbor of mine or one of hers. As I washed my car, again in the same spot, I watched for the white Neon to arrive. In my mind I tossed about ideas of what I would do or say when we met. Part of me wanted.
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